"Today, after soccer practice, I was walking to the car with my dad. My team mates waved and said "Bye POTHEAD!" They call me that because they think my head is shaped like a pot. Of course, my dad didn't believe me. I'm grounded now because I have an abnormally shaped head. I've never smoked pot. FML"
”FMyLife.com
"Today, I was going to ask my parents for advice on how to get my ex-girlfriend back. I overheard them talking about how glad they were that their plan to break us up worked so well. I don't think I should ask for advice anymore. FML"
”FMyLife.com
"Today, I was at a party. The girl I'm madly in love with referred to me as her 'Gay Friend'. She refused to kiss me in Spin-the-Bottle as 'She didn't want to do anything with anyone that night'. She then proceeded to make out, and sleep with my "best friend" whom she has never met before. FML"
”FMyLife.com
"Today, I fell flat on my ass while running for the subway. Made it on only to find out that it was standing by for ten minuets. I then got to ride all the way to work with a train full of people who watched me fall. FML"
”FMyLife.com
"Today, I found out that if you let your son install a new shower head, he won't tighten it properly. So when you turn the shower on, it will shoot out at rocket speed, hitting you in the face. Then when you grab the shower handle to prevent yourself falling backwards, you will just rip that out and hit your head again. FML"
”FMyLife.com
"Today I met my boyfriend's mother for the first time. She greeted us holding a baby, and I told her how cute her son was. She told me that it was her grandson. Turns out my boyfriend is the father. We're 16. FML"
”FMyLife.com
"Today, it was a pretty nice day so I decided I would take a walk through the park to get to work instead of driving. Healthier and better for the planet, right? Wrong. Some little bratty kids were bored apparently and decided to hide behind trees and peg me with water balloons. FML"
”FMyLife.com
"Today, my mom found a pack of Cigarettes in my pocket. She hates smoking, so she tore every single cigarette to pieces, then emptied a bag of kitty litter on them. On my bed. FML"
”FMyLife.com
"Today, I was down the pub with a mate and we got onto the subject of bar fights. I said that I thought being glassed wouldn't actually hurt that much. My friend looks at me, calmly finishes his point and then swiftly smashes his glass over my head. Turns out I was wrong. And we got kicked out. FML"
”FMyLife.com
"Today, I took my driving test. Completing the test, we returned and parked at the teasting facility. As my tester was complimenting me, I learned down to wind up my window, catching my long hair in the window. Frantically thrashing, I put the car in drive and floored it into a concrete wall. FML"
”FMyLife.com
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