This weekend I really decided that I was quite fond of the whole “FML” phrase and website. It was supposed to be an exciting weekend for me since I was finally going to fix my laptop, and pay off my car. Now who wouldn’t be ecstatic to do reach these accomplishments?! Well let me tell you briefly what these accomplishments were like for me.

Read More About My FML Weekend Here

The Back Pew

A pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.

After 6 children, this started to get expenive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's expanding salary. A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost.

After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair and spoke, 'Children are a gift from God, a=d we will take as many gifts as He gives us. Silence fell on the congregation.

In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand, and finally said in her frail voice, 'Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers.'

The entire congregation said, 'Amen.'

The Lone Ranger and Tonto stopped in the desert for the night. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemosabe, look toward sky, what you see?" The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars." "What that tell you?" asked Tonto. The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and Insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow." Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, "Kemosabe, you dumber than buffalo shit. It mean someone stole tent."

NEW TURKEY RECIPE
Your dinner will be the talk of the TOWN!!

You should try this!
Sure to bring smiles from your guests! Here is a new way to prepare your Thanksgiving Turkey.

1. Cut out aluminum foil in desired shapes.

2. Arrange the turkey in the roasting pan, position the foil carefully.

(see picture for details)

3. Roast according to your own recipe and serve.

4. Watch your guests' faces...

May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have never a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

This is just an idea to help you get through Christmas if it is tight for you this year! Ha Ha! Classic!